What a crappy day. Waiting to do Molly's blood test results tomorrow so we know what we are up against, but Hospital is fairly certain we will be up the following week for another biopsy and a review of what they are going to do. fuckit. Whats worse is that the little girl I know that had her second transplant recently had been admitted to ICU andI have just heard she didn't make it. Poor little kid and her poor mum and gran (her gran looked after her a lot). Its just so unfair and sad. So Shaun and me had a big shouting match (not an argument, just letting off steam etc etc, we are fine) and are not angry or upset anymore, just BLAH. Its hard not to let it affect us and our outlook for Molly, but every child is so very different. There is another little girl I know who has just had her second transplant and is so very, very well its wonderful news. But how on earth will the other little girl''s mum cope without her? I wish there was something I could do to stop it from happening, but its already happened and I can't imagine what they are going through.

We just finished the two weeks of going up and down to Brighton twice a day. We got into the swing of it and it was OK. However, apparently there could still be some rejection too. I wish they would make up their minds. And I KNOW we shouldn't get cross with the hospital - we would be lost without them and they are doing an important job, but its so hard not to get cross sometimes. They can't tell you everything, but they do have to do some amazing u-turns sometimes. Its not their fault, its just bloody biology but its very frustrating.

We felt in limbo before, and Molly is so well in herself now, but we still feel stressed and in limbo. She looks so well and full of beans, it feels like time is a ticking bomb rushing past and I am SO scared that things will never settle down and we will lose her. Hey, here come the tears again - for someone who never cries I have certainly done a lot of it today. Its like a tap - everyone tells me I should have a good cry and I will "feel better" - what a load of bollocks!!! Once I start its on and off all day and I feel like hell!!! There, that DID make me smile!!!!