11th august

THIS POST IS AMENDED!

I would like to say that: A: I love my friends.  I love the support they give me.

The not getting much help quote?  Thats not aimed at them, or anyone.  Its aimed at me I suppose, because NO ONE can help, it has to come from me.

the Bored thing?  Hubby was knackered and fell asleep. Friends were knackered and asleep and rightly so - they are up at 5.30 every morning.

Boring? Yes, because its always boring at the mo. My diet is boring.  My life is hectic and I am on the go all the time.  When I stop, its boring as I like to be busy, but my friends are ANYTHING BUT boring.  I never laugh so much as when I am with them.

I am ranting - because I have to. I was annoyed with myself for not being stronger and for not getting up off my arse and stopping being bored.  I just sat there and watched Harry Potter.   I didn't have to.

And Dingles was SO  much better than it used to be - new rides and so many laughs!

If I thought this post was being read by anyone, I would have explained better what I meant. I knew what I meant, but it is anything but clear if you are reading it from a different perspective.

And I have a massive problem with compliments.  Its  a tough call for friends of people who are losing weight.  If you say too much it looks like they thought you looked shit before. Which you probably did but you are still that person inside.

Only close friends can say the good stuff and get away with it. I knew how it was meant from you guys. I was just angry that I had to take it because I let myself get in a state before.

So - to my wonderful friends who I may have hurt - I love you.  This is NOT down to you.  Please help me by understanding and believing that I am still the same person I ever was, just that I am currently determined and driven and self absorbed.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


12st 13lb

Really struggling with a couple of things while we have visitors!  Diet is hard as there is constantly food and drink on the go.  And shaun keeps asking if I want this out that which is really hard and very annoying! Then it's "oh aren't you good"which kind of feels almost derogatory, but isn't. I just don't want to fail and none can say the right thing as it's too raw.

So have picked a few bits I shouldn't have. Too much but nothing that's going to make too much of a difference I think.

Did go out for a roast and I didn't cheat at all, which was great.

Evening was hard and also.....boring!  I'm used to, and like, being busy. We just sit aboutwhich is fun chatting but everyone fell asleep at about 8:30 so I was left with the kids watchingharry potter.  Why didn't I get up and do something??? Stupid.

Today we are going to dingles i think cos the weather is lousy.at least I won't have a picnic to contend with.my cupboards are full off bloody crisps and shit that I bought so everyone could enjoy it. Don't like it cos I am finding it hard not to eat it!!!
But dingles was boring before, poxy weather spoiling it for us! Beach would have been great at least some surfing, but picnic would have been hard I know.everyone wanted to go to the beachthough, it would have been great, like last time.